Monday, March 28, 2011

I thought you said you didn't understand?

Mmmm. I cannot believe people these days. I just don't. How can so many people who once told me they can never understand what I have gone through or what I would have to go through to become a christian, suddenly turn around and tell me they somehow understand now and that I was born gay " to change " and so now they have an answer and somehow understand? No. You fucking admitted to not understanding. You have no idea the first thing about sexuality, all your minds can do is wrap it around sex. That's all it seems to be to you, is attraction and sex. That's not even the first thing about sexuality, those are the very least important parts of sexuality. Clearly you can't wrap your mind around this, you don't understand at all. STOP PRETENDING YOU DO. STOP ACTING LIKE YOU HAVE ANSWERS WHEN YOU DON'T. Your Bible may say something, but when it comes to homosexuality it DOES.NOT.LINE.UP.

I mean honestly, what reason do I have to lie about this? If it was as simple as sex and attraction and something simply physical, I wouldn't care about giving that up. I'd be fucking straight by now. I can convince myself to be attracted to just about anything if I wanted, but I know what I am deep down right on the outside of my gender identity is my sexual orientation. Those two things wrap around my soul. IT IS THAT DEEP.

You can sit there and say that "It's the word of God and so it's what is true and you just have to accept it" all you fucking want, but that doesn't change anything. If the bible said that there was no such thing as red hair, and you saw someone with red hair would you believe it? No. Hell no. Unless you are Gay, you have no damn room to talk. This is between me and God and you need to stay the fuck out of it. I'm tired of it.

I didn't let you people close to me so that you could hurt me with the thing that drove me away from christians and into a hateful mindset with all christian people. I let you close to me so you could love me and show me Gods love. Gods love. GODS LOVE. That's all. NOT HIS JUDGMENT. I'll get plenty of that when I died, until then leave me alone about that. Don't judge me. There are SO many things I could say to you all and judge you for, but I don't. It's not my place. You can deal with that at the end as well. Just leave me the hell alone.

It's for this reason that I'm so done with dealing with God with any of you people. If I have a question about God or anything pertaining to Him, I will either A. Ask him myself or B. Find someone else in a different community. I can't rely on you all anymore. I don't want to be a part of anything relating to God with anyone I have been lately. I'm just done, it's left such a sour taste in my mouth it's ridiculous. We can hang out anytime, I love you guys as people, I can't stand talking about God with any of you anymore. So we can go out to eat and see movies and all that jazz, but don't invite me to bible studies or church or anything like that because I will shoot it down before you finish your sentence.

Clearly I'm in this alone, the community aspect of christianity is officially GONE.

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