This blog may be kind of short. Reason being I have to leave for work in 36 minutes and I have a toothbrush in my mouth still getting ready. But I just need to get this off my chest.
I am taking a giant leap into something I never thought I would. I'm doing something that goes against EVERYTHING I once stood for. I am breaking down this wall that is holding me back from being happy. What am I doing you may ask? Well.... I'm accepting God into my life. Into my heart. Completely.
I'm tired of being in control. I'm tired of being unhappy. I'm tired of everything being up to me. I'm tired of rejecting. More than ever I NEED God in my life. More than ever I WANT God in my life. I want to worship, and I want to pray, and I want to be the person I've always been. The person I fought and stuffed away for so many long years because of the type of rejection I got from people who called themselves Christians.
My stuffing is over. I'm being who I really am. Not a Christian, but someone with a relationship with a being so much bigger than me. Someone who isn't going to condemn, because I have no right to condemn. I can't believe I'm doing this, but I am. The only reason why I can't believe I'm doing this is because I let my mind think for my heart to much.
But not anymore. It's my heart doing the thinking from now on. If you're a Believer, you know exactly why too.
I'm bound to get a lot of heat from this from my friends. Family. Co workers. Even people I barely know. But for once in my life I feel true joy, and not this fake joy that I present myself with. I'll call that "Target joy". If you've ever worked retail you know why. If I'm truly happy and truly ok with what I'm doing, then the people who really care for me will show me that they do and be accepting of it.
I absolutely had to get this off my chest, and now that I have I feel so much better.
Man.... I've come a long way since my first post.